Hey everyone! I’m going to talk about something I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding recently. Losing weight. While I know it makes some people uncomfortable to discuss their struggles on this particular subject, it motivates me to share mine. So I decided to post a weekly “diary entry” to check in with myself and everyone who is reading this. For motivation, for interest, for a relatable story, for anything.
I’ll start off by saying that I used to be active. No, I didn’t play soccer or football, or join the track team, but I’d play outside and run and frolic like the the other kids. In high school, I exercised regularly as a part of a routine. And while I was never “slim,” I was happy with how I felt about my body and how I looked. I didn’t want to be thin, I wanted to be healthy.
All of a sudden, it was time for university. Everything went downhill from there. I was on my own for the first time and everyone always wanted to go out and eat (and drink). And so, it began. Keeping up with this new lifestyle put exercising out of my mind. I wasn’t worried – I’d never had an issue before! I had sustained a nice, healthy 130 lbs for 4 years, but all that was about to change.
I quickly realized by year 2 that I would always have to exercise and eat healthy to stay in shape. There are people out there who could knock back an ice cream milk shake, down a burger and a basket of fries and wake up having lost weight. (I kid-you-not, I lived with a girl like that – she is a medical marvel!), but I was not one of those people and it made me angry for a long time.
Last year was a tough year for me. I went through some changes and difficult times having left school to find out what I wanted to do with my life. Unfortunately, food was my comfort through it all. I regret that I didn’t realize what was going on sooner. I didn’t realize it until about August 2015, when I looked at a picture and barely even recognized myself. I was at my heaviest, 160 lbs. What happened? When did I stop taking care of me? I had gained 20 pounds in less than six months. While the people around me didn’t enable my eating habits, they never said much about it, either. The realization alone was not enough to take me out of the binge eating tailspin. I needed structure again, routine, and healthy habits.
I got engaged in December to my lovely fiancé, Michael. It was in the moments shortly after this happy event that I felt less like myself than ever before. I didn’t really want to take any pictures of this big moment in my life because I was embarrassed of how I looked. It wasn’t about a number on a scale, it was about my loss in self confidence – not being able to fully look at myself in the mirror, not feeling “Ritika-ish”. I knew that I could be better.
I haven’t gotten a full handle on it, yet. I’m slowly working towards my goal. Mind you, my goal isn’t a specific number on a scale. My goal is to be confident again, to feel healthy and positive again, and to wake up feeling motivated and energized. The number on the scale is just a minute guidepost, a less important way to measure feeling good. I’ll talk about some effective changes I’ve made in my daily routine next time. Until then!
Current weight: 153 lbs